the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
