well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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