It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
