Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
