I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
