I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
