some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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