Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
