After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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