i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
