i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
