just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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