how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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