dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
