Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
