Tell her she can't have a vagina
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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