I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
