You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
