So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
