Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
