On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
