I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
