Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
