Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
