you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
