when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
