I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can't motorboat a personality
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
