respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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