I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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