Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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