The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i dont even know how to be here
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
