Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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