I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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