yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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