I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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