glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
