Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's the barista slut.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
