We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
