I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
