You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
