I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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