guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
