My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
