dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
