I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
