Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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