there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
