She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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