Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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