Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
