All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
