you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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