I want to make a zoo with you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
