Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
