Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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