Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
