Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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